I used to pretty skeptical of going to therapists, based on friends’ anecdotes about how their therapy sessions hadn’t been all that useful.
I’ve since changed my mind about that.
Now I think everyone should go to therapy. Or coaching. Or to an energetic healer. Or to a consultant. Or astrologer. Or whoever.
Basically, in my opinion, everyone should have a dedicated person to hold space for them and their visions, contextualize their situation, reflect back to them a higher truth, or to point out their blind spots.
It’s a misconception that you need to “have a lot of problems” in order to work with someone.
Like, our society is partially the product of thousands of years of war, conquest, colonization, sexual violence, famine, hierarchical power dynamics, and all of the other things that make up ancestral trauma.
The ancestral trauma is baked into the fabric of our society, into the communities and families that make up society, and is as normalized as air.
I think because of this, we all have problems: we either don’t recognize it as a problem, or we think of it as no big deal.
Nowadays, I look at whether or not you work with someone as a “Do you even lift bro?” situation. (I mean, at this point I won’t even consider dating someone seriously unless they’ve done therapy/coaching or some comparable inner work!)
But most of us aren’t compelled to hire someone until shit hits the fan. (I definitely wasn’t.)
But no matter where you’re at–from being deep in a mental hole to feeling pretty alright about things– working with the right person can have amazing benefits.
💫 First of all, it can save you a shit-ton of time and heartache by giving you the right framework to understand your particular situation. It’s the difference between finding your way in the dark, poking around, versus someone giving you a flashlight and a map.
The first person I hired who helped me with my life was astrologer Shaunga Tagore. She said one sentence — “All of this efforting and hard work and obsession with being an “adult” is just a way for you to earn your parent’s love” — and that instantly made it click for me why I was spinning my wheels at that moment in time. I could have easily spun my wheels for a lot longer without that important insight.
There’s an axiom in business, that you either spend time or money. Spending the reasonable amount for her consult saved me god-knows how long it would have taken for me to figure it out by myself.
Shaunga also helped me reframe stories in an empowering way, which helped me let go of toxic narratives about myself and about how life operates.
Something to note here: even the well-intentioned people close to me couldn’t offer me the right reframe, so I needed to do something outside my usual habits in order to get the shift I needed.
“A miracle is a change in perspective.” — Marianne Williamson
💫 If you’re feeling decent about life and don’t feel like you “need it”, working with someone can help you fine-tune, improve, or point out that something isn’t working as well as it could be, or point out that something that you’ve normalized is actually pretty dysfunctional.
“And your relationship with that family member? How is it?” my therapist asked me during a sesh one day.
“Uh… it is what it is, I guess,” I responded.
Up until my therapist asked me about it, I had accepted that my relationship with this family member would be what it would be forever. We didn’t even discuss this family relationship that deeply during the session, but by simply asking the question, my therapist shined a light on this area of my life, which allowed me to see the ways in which it was actually dysfunctional. It gave me an opportunity to be more intentional about what I wanted from this area in my life.
💫 For those of us who are self-development junkies, psychoanalytical freaks, or know-it-alls (i am definitely two out of three of these), we may fall into the knowledge trap.
The knowledge trap is thinking since you know something, you’re covered and don’t have to worry about it.
For example: I had been aware of attachment styles, but my awareness wasn’t helping me shift my avoidant tendencies in an ongoing on-and-off relationship. A group coaching container I was in at the time (Arden Leigh’s) held space for me actually apply the knowledge I had, and shift this situation.
Pointing out blind spots, reflecting higher truths, helping us apply our knowledge–these are some of the benefits of working with someone. There’s also others, such as:
💫 Helping shift stuck energy (EMDR, somatic work, energetic healing, etc.)
💫 Holding space for you to transform a trigger that might be too overwhelming to do on your own
💫 A space to practice a new way of being, helping you integrate it into your daily life
💫 Creating a dedicated slot of time to focus on yourself and your inner stuff, when you might be tempted to put it on the backburner indefinitely
So!
If you’re ready to work someone, I would put the intention out into the ether, or to yourself, to find the right person to work with.
You can think about what specifically you’d like to work on, what kind of approach you’d like–are you looking for someone with more of a compassionate, gentle vibe, someone who will lovingly call you out on your BS, someone who will breakdown a detailed step-by-step plan, etc.?
There can be, unfortunately, unequal access to resources such as coaches, therapists, healers. If you’re strapped financially, I would definitely encourage you to look into places that offer sliding-scale, and free support groups online. And the healing that a compassionate friend can provide can be as effective as anything you pay for as well: just be aware of energy exchange and emotional labour.
So, once you start working with people, tune into yourself and see if who you’re choosing actually resonates.
Like: I once hired a therapist to help me with a friendship breakup, but she ended up majorly invalidating me instead, by not believing that I would be so hung up over a platonic relationship and that I must actually have had romantic feelings.
Needless to say, I did not return to this therapist.
Just because they’re the “professional”, doesn’t mean you have to give your power away to them and not be discerning. Don’t be afraid to try a few different people out.
On the other hand, be aware that fear might come up when you start to look for people to work with, or when you’re just starting to dive in. Sometimes, our psyche has a lot invested in keeping things the way they are. Let’s face it: facing our stuff is scary and uncomfortable, and it’s easy to just let things continue the way they are.
I liken it to either facing the unhealed things in a (relatively) short burst of discomfort and then being in the clear, or letting the unhealed things give you chronic discomfort for the rest of your life.
So, tune into yourself to see if the resistance is a fear of stepping into your power and facing your stuff, or if the resistance is communicating a legitimate boundary.
Ultimately, you have an inner guidance system that you can always tune into. Working with others just helps you reflect that inner truth back. 💫
⭐ ⭐ ⭐
And obviously, I’ll end a post about hiring people to say that you should hire me 😁 If it resonates, of course 😉
The introductory session special of $50 ends January 16th. It’s a combination of coaching and powerful energy healing to help you uplevel your shit and work through lingering issues at the root.
I’ve helped myself and others work through years-old baggage, and come out the other side feeling lighter and freer than ever.
And if you try it and it doesn’t help you? I’ll give you your money back.
Book a consult if you’re ready to shift! ⭐ (And if you’re interested and money is an issue for you, definitely let me know and we can work something out!)
Here’s to a fabulous 2021,
Tasmia (thuss-me-ah, Smia for short)